A client recently sent us the amusing reworking of the nursery rhyme 'Jack and Jill' in the style of a lawyer by American writer, actor and producer Don Sandburg. Sandburg’s parody emphasises the need for good, plain English in the legal sector – a sentiment with which we entirely agree.

We hasten to add that the client confirmed that Girlings is the ‘complete antithesis’ of this parody in all our communications!

We hope you enjoy the 'Accident Report' below...

The party of the first part hereinafter known as Jack … and …

The party of the second part hereinafter known as Jill …

Ascended or caused to be ascended an elevation of undetermined height and degree of slope, hereinafter referred to as “hill”.

Whose purpose it was to obtain, attain, procure, secure, or otherwise, gain acquisition to, by any and/or all means available to them, a receptacle or container, hereinafter known as “pail”, suitable for the transport of a liquid whose chemical properties shall be limited to hydrogen and oxygen, the proportions of which shall not be less than or exceed two parts for the first mentioned element and one part for the latter. Such combination will hereinafter be called “water”.

On the occasion stated above, it has been established beyond reasonable doubt that Jack did plunge, tumble, topple or otherwise be caused to lose his footing in a manner that caused his body to be thrust into a downward direction.

As a direct result of these circumstances, Jack suffered fractures and contusions of his cranial regions. Jill, whether due to Jack’s misfortune or not, was known to also tumble in similar fashion after Jack. (Whether the term “after” shall be interpreted in a spatial or time passage sense has not been determined.)

Credit: Don Sanburg, 1978

Lesley Rushton, Head of Private Client